Secret Agent No More
by ShiTiger
Summary: When the O.W.C.A. is unexpectedly disbanded, neither Perry nor Heinz expected it to end quite like this...  Perry turned human fic. Slash in later chapters.
1. Ch 1: Secret Agent No More

**Chapter 1: Secret Agent No More**

_Author's Note: Phineas and Ferb fic. Perry-turned-human! Will contain slash couples. Eventually Heinz Doofenshmirtz x human Perry. version is edited. If you are interested in reading the full version (even darker stuff included) visit the y!gallery or adultfanfiction . net under wingedtora_

'Curse you, Perry the Platypus!' Dr. Doofenshmirtz shouted to the sky as his latest scheme was foiled AGAIN by the little teal furred mammal.

'Oh well, time to clean up... hey, you're still here,' the evil scientist pointed at his rival who stood several feet away.

The secret agent actually looked guilty as he pulled a letter from his hat and stepped forward to hand it to the doctor.

'What's this? Hmmm... Dr. Doofenshmirtz, we regret to inform you that the O.W.C.A is being disbanded. You will be reassigned a human agent as your nemesis... wait, WHAT?' the human shrieked, looking down at his one TRUE nemesis.

Perry the Platypus nodded sadly.

'You're retiring? But, that's just not fair! I don't want a new nemesis!' the man ranted, pacing the rooftop of his home.

Agent P cracked a smile as he watched his favourite enemy whine about how unfair this all was. If only he knew that Perry agreed with him. The O.W.C.A being disbanded...

'Well, uh, I guess I'll be seeing you around then,' Dr. Doofenshmirtz finally commented, rubbing his neck at the awkward goodbye moment.

Perry shrugged before walking toward the edge of the rooftop.

'You know, if you ever just wanna drop by and chat about the good-old-days... Use the door, cause I'm tired of replacing the windows, okay?' Heinz remarked.

Perry blinked and tipped his hat at the human before leaping off the building and activating his hang-glider.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz sighed as he watched his former nemesis fly off into the blue sky. Life just wasn't fair.

... tbc...


	2. Ch 2: A Rude Awakening

**Chapter 2: A Rude Awakening**

_'Isn't this just crazy? Major Monogram only just retired when that Roger fellow took over and disbanded the O.W.C.A. What does he think we are, a bunch of wild animals?'_

_'I can't wait to give this guy a piece of my mind.'_

_'You can speak human?'_

_'... Fine, I'll give him a piece of my mind on paper then!'_

Perry the Platypus looked around the room at the other O.W.C.A secret agent animals. Every single agent was there, gathered together in the government secret headquarters to receive their newest and possibly final mission.

'Secret agents of the former O.W.C.A! Thank you for joining me today to mark this momentous occasion,' a voice boomed from the speaker. A flicker of light and suddenly there was a strangely familiar man on the main view screen.

Agent P's eyes bulged. Dr. Doofenshmirtz's brother? That was the Roger everyone was talking about?

'I regret to inform you that your agent services are no longer required. You see, my little friends, there is just no place in a civilized world for thinking animals such as yourselves,' as the man spoke, metal plates locked into place over every exit.

_'It's a trap!'_

_'That crazy human!'_

'However, before you get all excited, I'm sure you'll be pleased to know that you can still be of some use to your country... as EXPERIMENTS!' Roger Doofenshmirtz laughed loudly, hands clasped behind his back.

Perry stared in shock as animals around him began to sway. Some tried to unlatch the exits, but collapsed on the ground. GAS! That crazy human was pumping knockout gas into the room through tiny vents in the ceiling.

Agent P leapt into the air, reaching for his grappling gun, before rremembering that all weapons and tools were confiscated when they entered the room. Gravity took hold and forced him to the ground again.

* * *

'Oh, you're not going to get away that easily, Perry the Platypus,' Roger chuckled, watching the teal furred mammal spin around to glare at him. The human could see that the gas was doing just what it was designed to do.

On screen, the little platypus struggled to remain awake, but slowly succumbed to the gas. Finally, after all these years, Roger had complete control of the O.W.C.A. Oh the things he would do to these pathetic animals that believed they were as sentient as humans.

His special team of scientists were just waiting in the wings to start their experiments. Yessss... there was much to learn from these creatures. And he had a very special test subject in mind for his newest experiment. And if he didn't survive, there were more where he came from.

...tbc...


	3. Ch 3: Escape

**Secret Agent No More. Chapter 3: Escape**

'I still can't believe it's been six months since Perry the Platypus left me,' Heinz Doofenshmirtz sighed loudly as he pushed his shopping cart along.

'Geez, Dad. Get over it already. You talk about him like he's your ex-boyfriend or something,' Vanessa commented, adjusting her ipod as she walked next to him.

'Vanessa, that's not even funny. Replacing a nemesis is a big deal in the villain community. And to top it off, the government is making us a laughing stock. I have to share Agent Gray with three other evil scientists. Not only is he always late, but he barely manages to stop me every time,' Heinz complained, throwing a rocket launcher into the cart with a grimace.

'Seriously dad, mom was right. You really DO need to start dating again,' the brunette teenager announced, deciding to ignore her father for the rest of the trip.

'Dating? Why would I need to start dating again? I always end up attracting weird women who aren't interested in anything I do... hey, what's that beeping? Oh, it's me. I have my watch hooked up to the intruder alarm just in case someone breaks in,' Doofenshmirtz explained aloud, not even noticing his daughter's lack of attention.

The evil genius tapped his watch and listened to the message.

'INTRUDER ALERT! INTRUDER ALERT! Perry the Platypus has broken into the building!'

'Perry the Platypus!' a giant grin swept over the man's face and he nearly jumped for joy. Finally, something good was happening.

'Quick Vanessa, we have to go!'

People watched in awe as the strange pharmacist dragged his goth daughter out the door, leaving their cart in the middle of the aisle.

* * *

'That's odd. All the lights are out and... oh wait, I found a broken window,' Heinz pointed it out after Vanessa switched on the lights.

'Is that blood?' the teen asked, staring at the crimson trail that started below the shattered window.

'How very strange. Perry never used to get hurt when he smashed through the windows to stop my evil schemes,' Dr. Doofenshmirtz commented aloud as he followed drying trail deeper into his lab.

Vanessa gasped aloud suddenly, drawing her father's attention to the unconscious person face-down on the floor ahead of them.

'Norm, what is the meaning of this? This isn't Agent P. He's clearly a human, not a platypus. And why is there a strange man bleeding to death in my lab?' Heinz pointed at the teal haired man on the floor.

'Apologies sir, but the DNA match is 100% accurate. Subject in question is Perry the Platypus,' the robot moved forward and gestured toward the human on the ground.

'Dad! Who cares who he is! Call the hospital or something. What if he bleeds to death?' Vanessa shouted, jolting her father back into action.

'But, if he is Perry the Platypus...' Dr. Doofenshmirtz knelt down and eyed the bleeding man. Teal hair (the same color as Perry's fur), bare feet covered in scratches, wearing only a tattered, blood-stained white shirt that ended as his knees... it couldn't be.

'Dad!'

'Vanessa, be a dear and go prepare the spare bedroom. Oh and pull out one of my nightshirts.'

'Aren't you going to call the hospital?' the teen gaped at her father who shot her a stern look in return.

'If this really is my old nemesis, then there is a reason he came to me and didn't go straight to a hospital. Besides, I think the blood is mostly from his feet and shoulder. He isn't dying. I'm going to get him cleaned up and bandaged,' Heinz decided, gently turning the man over as his daughter left the room.

Clearly his feet and bleeding arm weren't his only problems. The teal haired man jolted awake at the movement and clutched at his other arm, face contorted in pain. Pain-filled chocolate brown eyes stared up at the other man fearfully before recognition finally bloomed in them.

'Is that you, Perry the Platypus?' Heinz ventured, helping the younger man sit up. Still clutching his arm, the wounded man nodded.

'What happened to you?' Dr. Doofenshmirtz wondered aloud, taking in the sight of his bleeding, now human, former nemesis.

Brown eyes half closed as the injured man began to slip into unconsciousness again. Heinz raced to catch him, cradling him against his now bloodied lab coat. Oh well, what was one stupid lab coat in comparison to getting his nemesis back?

...tbc...


	4. Ch 4: A New Start

**Secret Agent No More. Chapter 4: A New Start**

_(warning: It starts to get dark from here on out) Quick Note: Anything in **{ }** is thoughts._

Perry jolted awake, eyes wide as he searched his cell... no, not his cell. This room was clearly not his cell.

The warm realization that he'd finally escaped from those evil humans flooded through him. A flash of pain drew his attention to his bandaged arm. It seemed his old nemesis knew a little something about dislocated shoulders, if the sling holding his arm in place was anything to go by.

Sunlight shone through the window as the teal haired man shakily got to his feet. He eyed himself in the closet-door mirror and sighed at the purple nightgown he was currently wearing. Oh well, anything was better than those lab shirts that all the experiments were forced to wear.

Every step was like walking on needles. That didn't surprise him though. After all, he had run barefoot all the way from the secret base to Dr. Doofenshmirtz's lair. Scaling the building had been tricky in his new human body, especially since he was still bleeding from ripping out that tracking device. The landing... well, that could have been better. Perry knew he was lucky to have had only a dislocated shoulder after all that.

The lit hallway was making him nervous. It was so bright. Only the labs were this bright. The cells were all dark. How long had he been trapped in that place? A year? Two? Five? It had seemed like forever.

All the experiments... all the pain... all the screams of his fellow agents... Roger... Perry felt his stomach turn from that particular memory. No, not now. He was so close to being free again. He had to keep his cool. Somehow, he had to get Dr. Doofenshmirtz to help free the others.

Resting his head against the wall, the former platypus took a few deep breaths to calm himself. His entire body ached, his nerves were shot, and his mind was starting to form shapes in the shadows of the hallway.

_{Keep it together, Perry. Keep it together. You can descend into madness AFTER you rescue the others.}_

The light from the kitchen drew him closer, despite the shadows in his mind closing in on him.

Perry perched at the edge of the doorway, glancing around the brightly lit room for any signs of his evil nemesis... former evil nemesis. Coffee brewed away, but the human was not in the room. The teal haired man slipped into the kitchen and found himself eyeing the knife rack.

_{A weapon. Need a weapon. I'll kill him if he tries to touch me again. I'll kill them all!}_

The former platypus shoot his head, forcing the image from his mind. He wasn't a bloodthirsty killer. He wasn't! Now if only he could convince himself of that. The only thing that kept him going in that horrible place was the thought of once day getting free. Getting free, rescuing his fellow agents and... slaughtering all the evil humans!

'You're awake,' a different voice broke through his mental musings.

In a flash, Perry grabbed one of the knives in his good hand and spun, landing in a crouch to face the enemy. A dark churrr rumbled from his gut as he tried to focus on the intruder.

_{Friend or Foe? Friend or Foe? Friend or...}_

* * *

Vanessa gasped as the injured young man spun around, brandishing a knife at her. The former platypus' familiar churrrr sounded dark and menacing as he glared at her from across the room. His eyes... he didn't seem to recognize her at all. What if he attacked her?

'DADDY!'

* * *

_{Yes, that's right. Dr. Doofenshmirtz has a daughter. Vanessa. She's not a threat. Put the knife down, Perry. Put it down.}_

Perry began to lower the weapon, but not fast enough. Less than a second later, Dr. Doofenshmirtz came racing up behind his daughter.

'What's wrong, Vanessa? I heard you scream... Perry the Platypus, what are you doing?' Heinz yelled, staring at his former nemesis in shock.

Dark, guilt-filled eyes started back at him as the now-human Perry dropped the knife he'd been brandishing at the human girl.

'Wait, daddy! It's okay. I startled him and he must not have recognized me. He recognizes me now, right Perry?' Vanessa grabbed her father's arm in case he did something reckless. He was always a bit too eager to defend her honour.

Across the room, the teal haired man nodded, straightening from his crouch and leaning back against the counter.

'Well, that may be, but it still isn't right to threaten someone's daughter like that,' Heinz pointed out, crossing his arms over his chest to glare at the other man.

Perry attempted a sincere look of apology toward the pair.

'Okay fine, I forgive you. Oh, and I bought muffins! Who wants breakfast?' Dr. Doofenshmirtz's mood switched completely and he pulled out a box of muffins and sat down at the table in the middle of the room.

Vanessa took her seat and motioned for Perry to join them. The former platypus did... if a bit reluctantly.

'So, what have you been up to all this time? Secret agent stuff? Vanessa was really worried when we found you bleeding in the lab yesterday,' Heinz waved his muffin at the former O.W.C.A. Agent.

'Oh puleeeze. You were just as worried as I was, Dad,' the teenager argued back.

Perry froze, muffin halfway to his mouth. Malnourished though he was, the memories of that place could make anyone sick to their stomach.

'You should eat, you know. You're really thin. I should know, I had to change you yesterday. Don't worry, we'll figure out how to get you into some proper clothes even if we have to work around that arm of yours,' Heinz promised, polishing off another muffin.

Perry managed a weak smile at his former nemesis. The man really could switch moods quickly. And to think, Perry once thought Heinz to be the more evil of the two brothers... That thought brought a frown to his face again.

'So, how did you get so injured? Were you running from someone?' Vanessa spoke up, watching her father's house guest. The poor man was clearly traumatized by something. The Perry the Platypus she knew wouldn't act this way... something bad must have happened. Something really, really bad.

'Yeah. You show up after 6 months and bleed all over my lab. I think I deserve an explanation, Perry the former Platypus,' Heinz grumbled, half glaring at the other man.

_{6 months? Only 6 months? They did all... THAT... in just 6 months?}_

Perry covered his eyes with his good hand, leaning back to take a deep breath at the thought. Only 6 months...

'Okay, now you're really acting weird. Come on, it can't be that bad. You're Perry the former Platypus. Nothing can stop you. I should know, I tried,' Dr. Doofenshmirtz grumbled the last bit to himself.

'If you don't say anything, then how can we help you?' Vanessa asked.

Perry shook his head. There had to be some way to tell them, some way to show them the horrible place he'd escaped from. He needed to be strong, for the others.

Vanessa suddenly stood up, grabbing her father's arm and yanking him from the table before he could scarf down his 5th muffin.

'We're going to go have a father daughter chat. You just stay here and relax. My dad was right, you really should eat something,' the girl pulled her evil scientist father from the room.

Perry blinked. _{What was that all about? Humans are weird.}_

* * *

'Oooh, a father daughter chat. We never have those. Is it about boys?' Heinz teased, letting himself be dragged all the way up to the roof.

'No, it's about Perry,' Vanessa announced, closing the door behind her.

'You're dating Perry?' Dr. Doofenshmirtz stared at his daughter in shock.

'NO! Dad, seriously, it's not about boys or dating. It's about you and Perry,' the teenager explained.

'Me and Perry? We're not dating. The last time I saw him he was a platypus and that would have just been awkward...'

Vanessa groaned and slapped her forehead.

'Perry the Platypus is now a human man who is sitting in your kitchen eating a muffin. He is a clearly traumatized human man who came to you, his former evil nemesis, for help. Why aren't you taking this seriously?' the girl yelled, waving her hands in the air for emphasis.

'You really think he's traumatized?' Heinz rubbed the back of his neck and looked away from his daughter.

'Dad, he freaked out the minute I walked in the room. He could have killed me, he wanted to, I could see it in his eyes. The Perry the Platypus I knew was not a cold blooded killer,' Vanessa walked closer to her father and touched his arm.

'Something bad... horrible, must have happened to him. What could change someone that drastically in only 6 months?' she whispered, fighting back tears.

'Hmmm... first the O.W.C.A closes down and all the animal agents vanish, then Perry the Platypus shows up in my lab half a year later and he's human. You're right, Vanessa. Something strange is going on,' Dr. Doofenshmirtz sighed, looking up at the cloudy sky.

_{Vanessa is right. She's always right. Why don't I listen to her more often? Perry is acting strange. I'm actually scared to leave him alone in the same room with my little girl. What a mess this is...}_

'Maybe he can't talk. You'll have to come up with another way to find out what happened to him. We can't help him unless we know what happened,' Vanessa suddenly piped up.

'Hey, you're right. I do have a device I've been working on. I should be able to project his thoughts onto a screen. All he has to do is remember!'

...tbc...


End file.
